FUCHS: Personality, not physical attractiveness, matters most in relationships
Column: Questioning Jules
There is nothing I am more relieved about than the fact that I am not "hot." Growing up, I was obsessed with how I looked. I constantly worried that I was not attractive enough and did everything I could to look nicer. I compared myself to other girls and became sad that I did not look like them. I thought I was too chubby, my hair was too frizzy and it was a bad thing that none of the boys in my classes wanted to ask me out or flirt with me.
As I got older I realized how trivial looks are in the grand scheme of things and how shallow it is to only care about physical appearance. I still do care about how I look to an extent, and I think most people do. But I am happy with my appearance and do not care if others find me attractive or not.
One issue I have noticed while in college is how superficial romantic relationships and dating are. It is human nature to value physical attractiveness to a certain extent, but the ways that college students treasure the idea of physical attractiveness is very concerning.
Before you try and deny how much you value attractiveness, think about this: It is in human nature to judge people immediately based on their outer appearance. We judge everything by its appearance, initially.
It is nothing that we can control — it is almost instinctual. We cannot help to, at first, judge how people look when we see them. That is perfectly normal and is not really an issue unless you form your entire opinion about the person based solely on how they look.
As I interact with people on campus, I have noticed some trends in the way men talk about women’s looks. When a woman is regarded to be very attractive, she is objectified.
A lot of men will dismiss any other aspect of the girl’s personality and focus on her looks. Looks give men and women the ability to objectify each other in the pursuit of a romantic relationship.
Men are not the only culprits here — women can be just as shallow. Oftentimes you will hear people of both sexes discussing how attractive or unattractive someone is. By doing this, personal character is put to the side, and looks become the spotlight. It is not uncommon for people with bad character and good looks to be more popular in the realm of dating since they are considered to be more attractive and valuable.
I have never, at least to my knowledge, been considered to be on this level of attractiveness. It used to bother me, but now I realize I am actually fine with it. I would rather be able to make friends with men than be seen as simply a pretty face. I want people to like me for my personality, not for how I look.
It took me a while to stop being so concerned with the way I looked and dressed but once I stopped caring my happiness increased.
Another issue that comes with judgment on the basis of looks is the unrealistic beauty standards for women. A "10" woman typically is fit, toned, has perfect skin, makeup, clothes, nails and hair. That is not by any means achievable or desirable for every single person, and frankly, I have to applaud women who put that much effort into their everyday look as I am too lazy most days to wear anything but sweats.
The same unhealthy standard is placed onto men. Oftentimes, men who are not skinny or fit are considered to be unattractive. In order to end these unfair expectations, we must look beyond a person’s physical appearance and value personality.
Judging by looks, even for yourself, is just all-around unhealthy and shallow. College students especially need to focus more on character than appearance.
Julia Fuchs is a School of Arts and Sciences senior majoring in history and anthropology and minoring in French and archaeology. Her column, "Questioning Jules," runs on alternate Thursdays.
*Columns, cartoons and letters do not necessarily reflect the views of the Targum Publishing Company or its staff.
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