NWANONYIRI: Society should not glamorize having children before marriage
As I get older, I am beginning to realize that I am getting to an age where having a child is somewhat socially acceptable, and that scares me. Being that I am 20 years old, it is common to see people my age have a kid but not get married, which I find disturbing. The normalization of this concept from social media and celebrities does not help either.
When trying to start a family, I understand that accidents happen and life does not always go as planned. Yet, I think the idea of willingly choosing to have a child at a young age and not even considering marriage is absurd.
22-year-old former Disney Channel child actress Skai Jackson recently revealed she is pregnant with her first child. This came as a shock to many fans because she had not publicly identified her boyfriend before revealing the pregnancy. I find it strange that someone who is wealthy and has an ongoing career to grow chooses to permanently alter their life by having a baby with someone who may not be around long-term.
Other celebrities plagued with having children before marriage are singer-songwriter Halle Bailey and her ex-boyfriend, rapper Darryl Dwayne Granberry Jr., also known as DDG. The couple kept their pregnancy a secret from the public until a few weeks after their son, Halo, was born. Granberry and Bailey ended up splitting a few months later.
Famous or not, children deserve to be brought up in a home where their parents are married or at least show some level of commitment to one another that goes past their child. If a couple is strong enough to decide that they are ready to have a baby, they should be prepared to share vows.
This is an issue that is most commonly seen in Americans. According to a 2019 Pew Research Center study, "the U.S. has the world's highest rate of children living in single-parent households. Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults."
While this has become accepted as the norm, studies show that it continuously affects the lives of children brought up in these families. A 2014 study revealed that children living with single mothers are much more likely to live in poverty than children living with both married parents. This puts children in this unfortunate circumstance at a disadvantage compared to children from married families.
Single mothers are also affected by their choices as well. Being pregnant at a young age can cause disadvantages in aspects such as education and careers. Higher-educated women are less likely to be single mothers, and single mothers are less likely to have a college education or a high income.
Parents who decide to have children before marriage hold themselves back and set a poor example for their children. The rapid increase in the number of children born out of wedlock has also gotten attention from social media users online.
One user talks about how many people have children without any ideas or hopes of building a structured family. One comment states, "I saw a lot of pregnancy announcements but no weddings .." while another reply to the video says, "'Marriage is too much of a commitment' AND A CHILD ISNT????"
Baby trapping is also common, where people choose to have children out of wedlock in hopes of trapping them into marriage or getting money out of their partner. Using pregnancy as power can be a source of abuse in a relationship. Children become dollar signs, photo ops and a means of manipulating the other parent. The child will be dragged through court: used as a prop to attack the mean, hateful father who left them or to create part of the backdrop for the martyred mother left to struggle alone.
It is disappointing that, as a society, we have settled for the idea of bringing a child into this world without establishing an important sign of commitment with another person. The constant celebrity endorsements of this and normalization on social media do not help others in a similar age group who are vulnerable to this kind of messaging. It is an endless cycle that may continue to happen in this country.
Uju Nwanonyiri is a junior in the School of Arts and Sciences majoring in journalism & media studies and public health. Nwanonyiri’s column, “Debrief Discussions,” runs on alternate Thursdays.
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