Reflecting on life in quarantine

Whenever I think about how it’s almost been a year of quarantine, my brain launches into a spiral. This past year conjures up a series of words: loss, sadness, uncertainty, hopelessness.

Lockdown hit pause on the daily bustle of our lives, forcing us to readjust in every way possible. For students like myself, our lives on campus were uprooted and replaced by dragging Zoom lectures, FaceTime calls and ample amounts of time to evaluate our own existence.

Coincidentally, my study abroad trip to Spain was scheduled right when the spread of the coronavirus disease (COVID-19) became a national concern. I was looking forward to roaming the streets of Barcelona like the Cheetah Girls, trying paella for the first time and basking in afternoon siestas. Little did I know that, when the trip got cancelled, I wouldn’t be traveling for a long time.

In the early months of the pandemic, I was so wrapped up in my daily anxieties of school, finding an internship and maintaining my mental health. So, I started working out more consistently, which made me feel more energized and productive. Going on walks made me appreciate the winding path down my neighborhood, the plush trees that lined the sidewalks and the blue skies overhead.

Summer was somewhat harder to manage as the gravity of the situation set in. Concerts were cancelled and the first semester of my senior year was transferred online.

To fill up the extra time, I got into the habit of reading more, which really opened my eyes to the wonders of imagination and the myriad of lives that exist out in the world. I also took up an internship at a fashion magazine where I wrote articles about fashion, its influences and history, and had the opportunity to interview professional photographers, something that I'm really grateful for.

But, there were many days of loneliness and longing for better, simpler times. I noticed how I was growing apart from people I was once close to, and closer to people I didn’t expect to rekindle with. Drifting apart from people is a harsh reality of life and something I’ve had to come to terms with.

When the leaves turned golden and the temperatures cooled, I was able to see my friends more frequently on socially-distanced visits, which kept my head above water. And when the fall semester came around, initially, I was excited for it, to jumpstart my routine and fall into a sense of normalcy. 

But although I tried my best to carve out a balance between school and time to myself, my efforts were surpassed by unreasonable amounts of work and the looming prospect of graduating in several months.

The prospect of big life changes and increased responsibility is daunting for anyone. So in quarantine, I've had to learn to find peace in the present moment and consistently remind myself of the things I’m grateful for when my fears become all-consuming.

As a people person who thrives off of connection, I’ve leaned on my friends and family the most during this time. I’m lucky to have a solid support system of people who uplift me — which is really all anyone can ask for — and I've learned about the things that excite me and the things that rather drain my energy.

The fact that this is my last semester of college is a difficult one to process. I’m grateful that I get to spend my last few months as a student living on-campus with my friends, passing time just like we used to.

But, the longer I remain holed up inside my apartment facing dark skies, the more I find myself missing the seemingly mundane routine of going to class, seeing a manifold of faces, deciding where to get lunch and running from one end of campus to another.

There is no rulebook for living in a pandemic. As humans, we are told that to turn every roadblock and stumble into a life lesson. But sometimes, it’s all about getting through day by day and appreciating the small joys of life: eating a good meal, laughing so hard you can’t catch a breathe, watching a good movie, sitting in the sunlight, being engrossed in a book and feeling like you’re moving through time and space.

Going forward, I’m trying to release any expectations of how things will play out, because life is so much easier that way — don’t you think?