Jennette McCurdy visits Rutgers, reflects on child stardom in 'I'm Glad My Mom Died'

On November 20, the path to the College Avenue Gym was flooded with hundreds of eager students, not to pump iron, but to hear from Jennette McCurdy, the actress-turned-writer whose 2022 memoir, "I'm Glad My Mom Died," became an instant New York Times bestseller.

Known to many as Sam Puckett, the goofy best friend on Nickelodeon's "iCarly," McCurdy has since shed her childhood fame to embrace a new identity as a writer and storyteller, sharing her complex journey of healing and self-discovery.

The event, part of the Scarlet Speaker Series at Rutgers, was equal parts moving and enlightening, offering attendees a glimpse into McCurdy's life beyond the camera and how she has transformed painful experiences into art that resonates with readers around the world.

In her memoir, McCurdy unpacks heavy subjects like her mother's abusive control, her eating disorder and the pressures of childhood stardom. Despite the gravity of these topics, McCurdy worked meticulously to find a balance between raw honesty and humor.

She achieved this by writing certain sections from the perspective of her younger self, giving a voice to the child who couldn't yet understand or articulate the weight of her experiences. By creating a unique lens, she explained how she was able to ensure that even the most traumatic events didn't feel overly dramatic or heavy. Instead, viewing them through a child's eyes added humor and lightheartedness, all the while staying true to the reality of what occurred and honoring her younger self.

Writing began as a therapeutic outlet for McCurdy — a way to process her trauma and reclaim her narrative. But, as her passion turned professional, she noticed the subtle shift in her relationship with the craft.

"Now that I do it professionally and it's my job, it's definitely warped into something else, so, it's not so much of an outlet anymore," she shared.

Even so, McCurdy remains deeply passionate about her work and approaches it with sincerity and dedication. She even shared that she is currently working on a novel, another stepping stone that showcases her ongoing evolution as a writer.

One of the most poignant moments of the evening was McCurdy's discussion about triggers and her approach to handling them. While her publisher initially suggested including trigger warnings in her memoir, McCurdy drew on advice from her eating disorder specialist, who emphasized the importance of facing triggers head-on.

"When the trigger comes with the wave of emotions and you get that urge, you can learn to sit with it and learn to nurture yourself … it completely changed my relationship with triggers," she said.

This perspective certainly resonated with the audience, as many were navigating their own challenges. McCurdy's openness about her struggles with mental health and dealing with her trauma struck a chord, offering both relatability and inspiration.

Much of McCurdy's talk centered on the journey after her mother's death — what it meant to lose the person who had essentially controlled every aspect of her life and to finally confront her own identity. Her mother's death marked the beginning of a long process of unlearning, healing and figuring out who she was outside of her mother's influence. 

"When my mom started dying, I just started trying to be funny all the time, and being louder than I felt … I don't find that funny anymore. I find that, you know, sad," she admitted.

This vulnerability highlighted McCurdy's endeavor toward authenticity. She shared how, as a performer, she often leaned on charm and humor to conceal her pain – an instinct she gradually overcame while striving to connect more genuinely with herself and her audience.

Her pursuit extended to her writing process, where she made it a priority to stay true to her voice. McCurdy explained that if she caught herself attempting to be overly funny or polished while writing, she'd recognize it as a sign that she wasn't being fully honest. This self-awareness became a foundation for her creative work, allowing her to approach even the most difficult topics with the right perception. 

From sharing anecdotes about recording her audiobook with an Australian engineer, and reluctantly joining him for lunch after hours of speaking left her mouth dry, to revisiting one of her most difficult scenes to write, her mother showering her well into adolescence, McCurdy's storytelling illuminated the room. The event was filled with laughter, tears and moments of profound connection. 

As McCurdy continues to write and share her journey, she embodies the very resilience and humanity that make her memoir so powerful. She left the audience not only with insights into her life but also with an enduring message — healing is possible, humor can coexist with heartache and sharing our truths can build community and understanding.

For anyone who has ever struggled to find their voice or to reconcile their past with their present, McCurdy's story is a reminder that it's never too late to rewrite your narrative and that sometimes, the hardest stories to tell are the ones that need to be heard the most.