An honest review of NJ's nude beach

Wearing clothes is all well and good, but anyone who claims being dressed is better than being naked is lying to themselves. Removing the fabric shackles civilization has imposed upon its denizens — once the blinds are drawn and the doors securely locked — is euphoric to say the least. If you have not tried at least sleeping and lounging in the nude, the writer highly recommends it for health and happiness.  

Being naked in public is all the better. However, public nudity is unfortunately (and unnaturally) cause for incarceration. Especially in New Jersey, where most fun things are not allowed, such as pet turtles, fireworks, drinking on the sidewalk and being nice to people on the parkway.  

That’s why most are surprised to learn New Jersey has a nude beach, where every man and woman is free to let it all hang out. Gunnison Beach is located five miles from Sandy Hook’s entrance in the Gateway National Recreation Area — far away from the good Christians.  

While one might assume this beach looks like a medieval depiction of heathens fornicating and gorging themselves on exotic fruits on any given day, Gunnison is far from the freakish garden of earthly delights the reader may imagine. In fact, it’s shockingly normal. 

The crowd at Gunnison is the usual spectrum of people you find in any public setting: families, couples, elderly people and young people of all shapes, sizes and races. The difference is you get to see what everyone’s junk looks like.  

Gunnison is also more awesome than other beaches because in addition to full frontal nudity, it offers nice facilities and unique food trucks. It may be the only place on earth where beachgoers can enjoy ice cream made with nitrogen and then take all their clothes off. Drinking is also allowed on this beach — a rare gift in the state of New Jersey.  

Most people here are also extremely kind in a not-creepy way, and they will probably give you a free beer and engage you in the best and most normal conversation you have ever had with a stranger. 

Speaking of the people there, their collective aesthetic value is not comparable to that of the Barbie doll-ridden Miami Beach you might be fantasizing about. There will be wrinkled old men and people with figures far from the Greek ideal. This is not the place to go if you cannot stand to be around anyone who does not subscribe to a "sound body, sound mind" lifestyle. Before you pack a beach bag, drop your prejudices and save your judgments for a different occasion.                                                                                                 

Though the fun you can have at Gunnison is practically limitless, there is a chance of encountering some weirdness. Swingers do frequent this beach, so if you visit with your significant other, do not be surprised if some woman named Rainbow and her ponytailed husband badger you to come to sit with “her new friends.” If you aren’t down with that, it’s best to leave before it gets too dark outside. Gunnison is also pretty far from the parking lot, but definitely worth the walk.  

Stripping down with strangers is not everybody's idea of a good time, and that's just fine. But whether you are already an amateur nudist or just curious, it is an experience no matter what. So go forth, test Gunnison's water and come back with your own story to tell — there is still time before winter arrives.