OH: Why dating feels hopeless now
Love is defined as a set of emotions or behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion and commitment, according to Verywell Mind. It is something that many of us crave, to our own detriment at times, but with the introduction of dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, finding love in our lives was supposed to be easier than before.
But lately, it seems that many people are having a hard time finding a partner to love, regardless of sexual preferences. Dating apps, which were supposed to make finding partners to build intimate relationships a lot easier than before, are now seeing user burnout. 79 percent of Generation Z report dating app burnout due to the fatigue of constantly meeting new people, dating failures and lies.
What I found even more surprising is that if you type "dating apps" on the YouTube search bar, there are many videos from various content creators explaining why dating apps are terrible. Many of them have different points of view, but they all seem to agree that dating apps discourage young people from finding partners.
Approximately 75 percent of Tinder's user base is male, while only 25 percent of users identify as female. While some estimates differ, many sources indicate that male-identifying users dominate the app. Social media influencers have published videos addressing the problem with dating apps, focusing on young men who are frustrated with a lack of female interaction.
A YouTube channel named Memeable Data used data from dating sites like Hinge, Bumble and Tinder to calculate the average number of likes and matches men will receive compared to women. Based on user ratio, percentage of likes shared and subjective attractiveness, they conclude the average number of likes men receive on dating apps is seven, while the average number of likes a woman receives is 92.
Men are not the only ones getting frustrated with dating apps. Lisa Portolan, a leading expert on digital intimacy and dating apps, found that women are burning out from dating apps primarily due to a toxic dating pool.
"The majority of women in my study had encountered technologically facilitated violence. This included: abusive behavior, the receipt of unsolicited sexual imagery, the request of sexual imagery, fraudsters, bullying and even stalking," she concluded.
When researching the female experience on dating apps on YouTube, a few examples stand out, like a video by Angelica Pham detailing some of the problematic messages she has received from men on Hinge.
I am not here to compare which problem is worse but to acknowledge that both male and female users suffer from different problems on dating apps. That being said, the cause of the problems users frequently run into has to do with the design of the apps themselves.
Dating apps use a freemium model. They provide users with limited features for free while charging monthly subscriptions for upgrades, such as priority likes and seeing who has liked them.
At the same time, companies actively try to deter users from successfully matching with other users, because then they would not be able to capitalize on users paying for monthly subscriptions, as reiterated by The Wall Street Journal.
The reason why dating apps use a similar freemium system is simple. A company called MatchGroup owns a vast majority of the dating apps used. No wonder everyone is feeling the same type of burnout with dating apps because no matter which app we use, they all seem to run on the same freemium system that limits our interactions with other people unless we pay for premium features.
Although we keep criticizing dating apps, some people do not know of any options outside of dating apps. Sure, you can go to parties, bars or raves, but even the chance of finding someone you find attractive and staying with them long-term is rare.
Making an effort to start a 1- to 2-minute light conversation with a stranger, without considering them attractive or not, can help break people out of this shell. Most people struggle when talking to people they may find attractive, but you will certainly feel a lot better than doom-scrolling through dating apps, wondering why you cannot find a romantic partner.
Jesse Oh is a senior in the School of Arts and Sciences and the School of Communications and Information majoring in economics and journalism and media studies. Oh’s column, "What's Going On Outside of Rutgers?" runs on alternate Tuesdays.
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