KOZLOWSKI: Prejudice in parties
We've all heard the phrase "beauty is pain." Measured by the price tag on their clothes and the size of their waists, women are constantly smeared onto microscope slides for the public to inspect.
As a society, we turn a blind eye to the impossible standards and expectations of beauty. I watch as women dissect themselves in the mirror, as pages of magazines are ripped out, as makeup and beauty supplements fill drawers and desks and as women scroll through media with mascara running down their faces because they feel they are not good enough. While there are several causes and contributors to this trend of insecurity, a recent experience of mine stood out.
On my fifth night at Rutgers, my friends wanted to attend a fraternity party. I thought, why not? What could be the harm? When the sun had set and the night had fallen, our room was full of laughter and smelled of perfume. A radiance of confidence bubbled in the room as pictures were taken and we all felt like our best selves.
We went out, heads held high. These smiles were soon whipped clean from our faces, and our confidence was stripped away as my friends and I were turned away at the door without a second glance.
That night, I watched girls wrap their arms around their stomachs, drop their heads and hide their faces in their hair. I thought it was because there were too many people, maybe there was a cutoff number. I pondered these possibilities until another group of girls were welcomed into the party with open arms.
We preach equality and body positivity on the internet, yet discrimination still exists and prevails in environments such as these parties. I listened as girls whispered amongst themselves how their entrance was rejected due to "race" and "unattractiveness." But who set these standards up and who granted this authority?
Curiously, these beauty standards have been designed and curated since the beginning of our childhood. Looking back at films I watched as a child, I noticed villains are always given "unattractive" features. In contrast, the princess or hero of the story is given a delicate nose and petite figure, attributing beauty to "worth" and defining it by a certain set of standards.
These messages teach young audiences to treat beauty as an objective measure and that it defines one's value in society, consequently blurring the idea of what it means to be worthy and loveable. Though beauty in itself is subjective, we have equated it to worth and based its meaning on examples from cartoons that set impossibly high standards that we take with us to adulthood.
It is a common and normalized concept in our society to categorize people with numerical ratings and scales, a system evidently used by fraternities. This system completely dehumanizes and degrades women, but the activity comes as easy as choosing one's favorite brands of sweets in a candy store — notice how this example compares women to a type of commodity.
These distorted views of attractiveness have created a severely toxic environment for people to live in. Comparison and jealousy have been forced upon women and seen as obstructive behaviors when beauty standards fuel them.
These insecurities are reinforced by factors like fraternity parties where women are compared, judged and handpicked by the male hosts. While media has enabled appearance to be a deciding factor of worth, it is a standard that must be changed.
Beauty has always been associated with women, placing suffocating pressures upon them to live up to higher expectations regarding bodily image. In saying so, it creates an intensive focus that revolves around women, placing them under a magnifying glass, with these parties serving as a prime example of such.
As insignificant as a guest list may seem, these acts of discrimination endanger mental health in severe ways. As women are put down and rejected during events such as fraternity parties, their self-esteem diminishes and they begin to view themselves differently. Many mental disorders are fueled by self-image in the process of attempting to reach impossible standards, putting lives in danger.
Where fraternities were once established to connect people of shared backgrounds and interests, you would think all types of people would be welcome. Still, biases and prejudices hold strong in these environments, which I believe has not only enabled but also encouraged members of fraternities to continue these immorally selective behaviors.
Racism, prejudices and discrimination have been recurring issues in society, and it is small acts such as guest lists and entrance to fraternity parties that enhance these outdated views and behaviors.
Though not directly spoken about, it is a form of discrimination that supports misogynistic views and goes against all that women have fought for. We live in an age far too mature to accept the discriminatory treatment of people, especially as displayed by fraternities.
Beauty should not have to be painful.
Alexis Kozlowski is a first-year in the School of Arts and Sciences majoring in English and minoring in film. Kozlowski’s column, “From a Scarlet Heart,” runs on alternate Thursdays.
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