Reflection: Uncertainty surrounding online classes has brought us together, helped us grow

My college experience has been somewhat of a roller coaster so far — I started my first year at Rutgers in 2020, right in the middle of the coronavirus disease (COVID-19) pandemic. With all of my classes being online and remote, I knew that I was bound to miss out on some of the college experiences I had looked forward to.

Instead of moving into a residence hall, meeting new people and exploring the campus, I spent that whole first year in the same bedroom where I'd finished high school. Sometimes it was hard for me to feel like I was actually a college student.

One of the hardest things about that first year was not knowing when the online classes would end. I spent the whole fall semester hoping that the spring would be in person, and that I’d still get to have half of a normal first year.

When the spring semester was put online again, I began to question whether my college experience would ever be what I’d expected. Would I be able to move into a residence hall and live on my own? Would I get a chance to explore the campus and meet new people in person?

These questions led to even more uncertainty about what my future would look like both in college and after. Would online learning give me the same opportunities to explore different career options? Would I still be able to do internships and network with new people? Suddenly I worried that everything I’d expected to happen during college and beyond would be completely different.

Finally getting to live on campus last semester and have school mostly in person seemed to lift a lot of weight off my shoulders. Some of those questions started to fade into the background as I was able to attend in-person classes, club meetings and events. I felt more confident that I would get as close to a normal college experience as possible and some of that previous uncertainty began to fade away.

But now, the quick spread of the omicron variant has felt uncomfortably reminiscent of the beginning of the pandemic. The rapid spread of cases, temporary online classes and uncertainty about if we’ll end up doing virtual school again down the line sometimes makes me feel like it’s 2020 all over again.

Of course, we should have classes in the format that keeps people as safe as possible — but that doesn’t make it feel any less strange going back into a quarantine-like state.

Finding out we were going online again brought back some of the feelings of isolation, confusion and uncertainty I remember facing when I started college. Despite my worries, having been through an online experience before has made me feel a bit more prepared to face those feelings again.

I’ve been more proactive in using some of my 2020 coping mechanisms to help me through this period of online learning, which has helped me have a more positive experience with being virtual again. 

Doing everything I can to stay connected with others has made a world of difference for me throughout these difficult times. I found that in my first year, online classes made me feel very isolated and alone. Sometimes I felt like I was the only person dealing with those feelings, which could make them even harder to deal with.

Talking to my friends and discovering that some of them had similar feelings was incredibly helpful, as we were able to support each other. It can take a little extra effort to set up a virtual call with friends, but getting to talk and relax for a little while can also really help bring back some normalcy.

Learning to be adaptable, though difficult, is another way of coping with the uncertainty we’ve faced these past two years. I now know that we could go back to online classes at any time, which makes me feel more prepared for when things do change.

It’s hard to know we don’t have much control over when things need to be virtual, but knowing that I can control my own actions and do what I can to stay connected with others while still staying safe makes me feel less swept up in all the uncertainty around me. 

And sometimes, if I’m being honest, I just let myself feel sad. One thing I’ve learned throughout this experience is that it’s okay to miss the way the world was before the pandemic and the switch to online school.

Though I try not to dwell on the past too much, the world has changed much faster than anyone expected, and we’ve had to adapt to these changes very quickly. Allowing myself to honor my feelings for a little while makes them less overwhelming and gives me a chance to check in with myself and process everything that’s been happening.

I’m still uncertain as to what the future holds for both my time in college and the world in general — but what I do know is that I can only control so much, and that being prepared for things to change and go online and offline will help me deal with some of that uncertainty.

Reminding myself that I’m not the only one going through this helps, too. Everyone has experienced drastic change throughout these past few years, and supporting one another and sharing our experiences can help us lift each other up and get through these continuingly strange times.

No one should have to go through these experiences alone — and that’s something I am certain about.