Loving yourself: How to cut off toxic friends
For most of my life, I've been so accustomed to being a people pleaser. I would sometimes knowingly and unknowingly allow people to walk all over me, with zero confidence to speak up for myself. I simply despised conflict and confrontation, my anxiety playing a large role in that. I figured having bad friends was better than having no friends at all. This isn’t to say I didn’t have any good friends — I had many that still treated me well.
Every year I grew wiser and more mature but it wasn’t until my first year of college that I truly embraced my worth and value. I don’t mean to sound cliché, but my first year really helped me become more connected to my true self.
I had some friends going into college that I thought I could trust. Unfortunately, people change and their true colors begin to peek through. I had a plant in my dorm room that year — a beautiful plant that had small pink speckles on the leaves. I really poured my heart and soul into that plant, watering it and making sure it got to soak in the sun. It was one of very few things I felt I had control of in my life at that time. I just didn’t realize that I was beginning to grow alongside it.
Here are the things I learned during my crucial period of growth:
1. Loving yourself first is so so important. You are your own top priority. I had to acknowledge that I needed to love and find ways to be enough for myself.
2. Setting boundaries may be easier said than done, but once you learn how to say “No” without doubting yourself, then a weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
3. Know your worth. I realized that I shouldn’t settle just because I wanted to feel comfortable.
Speaking of being comfortable, getting out of my own comfort zone really opened up a world of opportunities for me. I was able to branch out and explore more of what this world had to offer.
I realized that I cared too much about what people thought about me, and that had to change. So I decided to do my own things confidently and without shame. There was just no possible way I could please everyone, so it’s better that I live for myself rather than toxic people’s expectations of me.
Admittedly, cutting off these friends wasn’t easy. There was a time when I really valued my relationships with them. I just knew it was for the betterment of my mental and emotional health to not be friends anymore. Part of me wants to say that I went out of my way to confront each of my toxic friends and tell them how horribly they treated me and that I was done with them. It would've been straight out of a movie scene.
But realistically, I’m not one for confrontation so distancing myself was the best solution. Initially I felt guilty, but I was quick to bounce back. These so-called friends were no good for me. They put me down, made me feel miserable and were holding me back from being the best version of myself.
I eventually found new and healthy relationships with people who cared about me just as much as I cared about them. I don’t think I ever doubted my trust in them or had to question whether we are friends. It took time and patience to find friends who embraced my true and authentic self.
Just like there are characters in books or movies that are introduced to the main character for a purpose, there are going to be people like that in your life. People come into our lives for a reason, and sometimes leave when their purpose has been fulfilled. I’m appreciative of the hardships I had endured because it only made me stronger and smarter.
My growing doesn’t stop here though — I am proud to say that me and my plant are continuing to grow everyday.
