I had an epiphany yesterday and realized my closet is absolutely ratchet. My closet looks like it threw up, and that's when I decided it was time to stop being a lazy nimrod and clean some of that shit out. While cleaning I came across some quite embarrassing treasures, and I am now here to share them with you — let's do this.
1. A shirt that says "I love guidos"
When I encountered this shirt yesterday I think I almost had a stroke from the shock. I swear to you I did not buy this — you have to believe me. I am appalled and ashamed of myself that I own this. If you were to look up the word ratchet in the dictionary you would see that shirt plastered right next to it. Too bad I don't have an incinerator in my apartment because I would throw that thing in there asap. If you are going to wear this shirt, I also suggest that you purchase a bottle of Jergen's self-tanner and to dye your hair bleached blonde.
2. Justice shorts that say "dance" on the ass
I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that I use to shop at Justice or the fact that I still own these. This store legit needs to go extinct, and they need to bring back Limited Too. Excuse me while I go throw these shorts out the window.
3. A Danny Tanner t-shirt
If any of you follow me on social media you all know I am Danny Tanner's number one fan. Danny Tanner is a neat freak himself — he must be proud that I'm cleaning. No, I did not purchase this (even though I would), it was a birthday present. Nothing says happy birthday like receiving a blown up Danny Tanner face on a t-shirt. I wonder how many people would stare me down if I were to strut down College Avenue sporting this — now I know what I'm wearing during finals week. No, I am not giving this away.