CRUZ: College students should not fear social rejection
Column: One Million Percent
Rutgers Missed Connections is an Instagram page dedicated to sharing posts anonymously submitted by fellow Rutgers students about interactions they wished they had with another person.
Many of the posted messages are thoughtful compliments paired with imagery of how a second-chance interaction might play out with their unnamed suitor, should they happen to read them.
All these messages, though, seem to stem from one unifying quality: fear. Whether it be someone directly admitting that they were too shy to say something or that the timing did not feel right in the moment, it appears that having the courage to converse with anyone has become a rare quality.
On a campus as large as Rutgers—New Brunswick, which holds approximately 50,000 students, it is understandable why putting yourself out there can feel a bit overwhelming. Where do you even begin?
Looking for classmates to befriend should seem like the obvious answer, but that could sometimes prove to be too daunting of a task. If you are not in a setting that provides the chance for in-person discussion, you can go an entire semester without even knowing anyone's name. This is especially true when it comes to large lecture halls.
Once you exit the classroom, everyone seems to be in their own world. Immediately, people place headphones into their ears, cutting them off from the world around them. Combined with constantly looking down at their phones, Rutgers students nonverbally, and perhaps unknowingly, enforce the notion that they are uninterested in unplanned socializing.
But should these reasons be enough to completely discourage us from trying anyway? The answer is no.
First, it should immediately make you feel at ease that you are clearly not alone in your feelings. Rutgers Missed Connections has nearly 14,000 followers and has posted more than 1,000 times on Instagram, each post consisting of a thread of 10 unique submissions.
And beyond Rutgers, many college students across the country likely struggle with these fears of social rejection.
From an evolutionary standpoint, it is no surprise why humans have these thoughts as inherently social creatures. In the days of our ancestors, being liked by the rest of a group literally determined our survival.
With all this in mind, it is highly likely that other people are equally as hesitant to take the initiative as you are. Some shy students may hope that a person would be the catalyst of a conversation. As a journalism major, you would be surprised to learn how much people have to say.
With the worries of finals and graduation looming, your courageous decision might make someone's day.
Regardless of your efforts, embarrassing moments will occur in your life. Most of the time, they are unexpected, so attempts at avoidance are futile. If you are reading this, it means you have survived every embarrassing moment in your life.
Why be afraid of something that you have gone through before?
In fact, it has been researched that people who get embarrassed easily are found to be more trustworthy, so it may benefit you to let yourself look silly once in a while.
We often exaggerate the amount of attention we believe to be receiving. In reality, other people do not think much about us at all. When was the last time someone walked up to you and criticized you for absolutely no reason?
This phenomenon is known as the spotlight effect. While the situation may seem absurd, it is still a source of worry that plagues many minds.
According to Healthy Brains, we process approximately 70,000 thoughts per day. Someone having 10 consecutive thoughts about you would not even amount to 1 percent of their total daily thoughts.
If we are this consumed by the fear of being perceived negatively by others, imagine how much more we could achieve if most of these thoughts were affirming and positive.
This fear of judgment extends further than just making friends on campus. Many students feel the same about going to campus gyms and attending Rutgers-hosted events.
The aforementioned advice can also be applied to these situations.
Believe in yourself, and do not let irrational fears hold you back from great experiences and opportunities at Rutgers. The last thing you want is to look back and think, "What if?"
Brandon Cruz is a senior in the School of Arts and Sciences majoring in journalism and minoring in digital communication information and media. His column, "One Million Percent," runs on alternate Thursdays.
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